Brief hiatus

Due to family responsibilities, blogging will spotty this week.

If you want to see bulletins which I don't think are embarrassingly bad, this is the series we used in 2008. This is the series we're currently using.

Where poppies grow

MWM Color Press, 1975.

MWM Dexter hits the Daily Double today. This is perhaps the most inexplicable bulletin cover in the collection.

There are no poppies in the Bible. Even if there were, their being poppies per se would almost certainly be irrelevant. And even if poppies were significant in themselves, their location is absolutely meaningless.

The only thing I can guess is that this was supposed to be used on Veteran's Day, and refers to the wearing of poppies in remembrance. Someone apparently thought a church should not only focus people's attention on Flanders, but do it in the most indirect way possible. Trying to understand why someone thought this makes my brain hurt.

Every perfect gift

WMW Dexter, 1994. Jim Whitmer Photography.

Jim Whitmer is not to blame for this. WMW Dexter took a perfectly good photo of a hummingbird, put a crummy oval border behind it, and added yellow and orange script with white shadows.

Wedding bells

Hermitage Art Company, no date.

What are those bells made of -- plastic? And what's the significance of a blue shower door?

Lord, who at Cana's wedding feast...

CPH, no date.

Didst? Vouchsafe? Any bets on whether the happy couple plighted their troth?

Teach us to number our days

CPH, 1981.

(Plant + pocket watch) = passage of time; wisdom.

WORSHIP THE LORD in the beauty of His Holiness

MWM Color Press, 1978.

I think the Psalmwriter probably had in mind the Temple in Jerusalem, but skip that. Does this cover scream "1970s" or what? I wonder if she wants to buy the world a Coke?

None of you can be my disciples

CPH, no date. Illustration by Art Kirchhoff.

"Well, I'm not so sure ... Do I have to give up my ugly striped nightgown and totally useless bow-tie vest?"

"Yes, my son. You'll have to trade those in for either a turtleneck and sleeveless tunic like Andrew has, or a poorly dyed wrap which leaves stains everywhere like mine. Also, pay no attention to that flesh-eating virus on Andrew's arm."

They left everything and followed Him

CPH, no date. Illustration by William C. Kautz

Is the guy in the middle holding half a fish? Are fish, water, and ropes really that color? And why does Jesus look like a painted backdrop?

So also the fish

Augsburg Publishing House, no date.

Okay, a lot of churches follow a lectionary -- a set of prescribed readings which over the course of three years takes you through the Bible. Obviously, this was based on a reading from John 6 in which Jesus miraculously turns a small amount of bread and fish into a meal for thousands.

But why, out of all the things you could choose to illustrate that story, would you picture two fish on a line, in a stream? And what in the world would make you put the last half of verse 11 -- a sentence fragment! -- on the cover of the bulletin?!?

I'm sure people got a lot out of that. "Wow, that's going to help me through the week -- 'so also the fish, as much as they wanted.'"

Was the editor out that week? Was this a joke? A drunken dare?

This one gets the award for most confusing and/or useless cover.